Now is different. Now doesn't allow us so many long nights because of age and offspring. Now is like being in middle school when parties were still dry and the most fun one could conjer was renting a slightly inappropriate movie for that new fangled VHS device. My wife's father was on the cutting edge of technology and loved his gadgets so they got stuck down the unsuccessful evolutionary branch of Beta like some fast loping Hominid without the Sapien part. Regardless of format, that's where we were and that's where we pretty much find ourselves today.
So when we went to see "I Am Legend" it was with much excitment and anticipation. We passed on the safe bet of "Charlie Wilson's War" and instead went for what appeared to be the movie best enjoyed on the big screen. We had caught a short trailer on the internet and were fairly sure we knew what we were getting into; a man alone, surviving off the land of a once concrete jungle, forced to compete with escaped zoo predators...[If you have yet to see this movie and don't want me to spoil it- and it pains me to allow you this out as you should know, you have a right to know- you may wish to stop here and instead read my write up of "Fried Green Tomatoes" ("Not just a chick flick, a real recipe for fun! Three and a half stars") from the January movie review]
But no, that isn't what it is really about. That's the hollow premise they bring you in on and to that I have to say, "Will Smith, shame on you!" No this is actually a mix between Planet of the Apes and Night of the Living Dead. The virus that was thought benign and a cure for cancer actually turned deadly and killed most everyone. The only ones to survive were a few immune to the virus for no apparent reason like Will Smith, who also happened to be the military's lead scientist on the outbreak and a few hundred thousand other people who are infected and essentially rabid hunting immune people so they can kill them and eat them. Did I mention their dogs are rabid too and hunt immune dogs to kill and eat them? I didn't? Well they do. And Will Smith's wife and daughter get killed just as they escape to relative safety. Is it possible I failed to mention he had to strangle his own dog to death? And that he had to amputate his own arm by dragging it across a rusty barbwire fence? That actually didn't happen but might as well have.
Imagine our surprise! Now imagine the surprise of the parents of the 8-13 year olds who brought their kids to this matinee to see the ever heroic Smith in a signature roll only to flee after about 25 minutes when their children froze up from fear and stopped responding to basic commands. I have to admit, I didn't think in my late late thirties I would be closer to a female in a movie theatre than I was when I was 16, but my wife was tucked deep into my sweatshirt and heading south. This was in no way related to sexual desire, but rather had a groundhog, burrowing quality to it. Nonetheless I was slightly aroused when I too wasn't hiding in the sweater of the man sitting next to me on the other side.
Not since I charged people $2 a review to try and recupe the ticket price to the Jodie Foster flop "Contact" have I felt so let down by a motion picture. Charlie Wilson's War? I heard it was very entertaining, Hanks and Roberts how could it not be at least that, but I have yet to see it. I have been to see kids movies with my daughter, but not out again with my wife. Has our radius just shrunk again?
If only we had seen this, it would have all been different!
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